Individual therapy · La Roca del Vallès and online
Fear of rejection: when you do not make a move rather than risk being told no
The conversation you do not start, the message you do not send, the date you cancel the night before. Avoiding the no works: nobody rejects you. The price is that nothing happens either. In individual therapy we work on what sits underneath that brake, at my practice in La Roca del Vallès, near Granollers, or online.
David Puig · Psychologist, reg. no. 31755 (COPC) · Sex therapist
Or call me on 615 40 12 39
Do you recognise yourself in any of these?
Fear of rejection hardly ever turns up under that name. It turns up as «it was not the right moment», «I did not feel like it» or «what would be the point anyway».
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You write the message and do not send it
You draft it, reread it, change two words and delete it. Sometimes you send it three days later, when it no longer fits.
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You cancel at the last minute
You say yes and, as the day approaches, you look for a way out. Afterwards you are relieved not to have gone and annoyed about it in equal measure.
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You get in ahead of the no
Before anyone has decided anything, you have already decided they are not interested. At least that way you say it first.
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You do not ask for what you want
Not a second date, not a straight conversation, not even to know where you stand. Asking looks too much like exposing yourself.
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You give too much so as not to lose anyone
The other face of the same fear: always being available, never being a nuisance, being whoever you think is supposed to be liked.
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It has been a while since you tried
It is not that you do not want a relationship. It is that starting gets harder each time, and the more time passes, the bigger the idea becomes.
If it comes from a relationship that ended badly
When the fear of exposing yourself shows up after a hard breakup, the grief has to be attended to first. I cover it under getting over a breakup.
Fear of rejection is not beaten by convincing yourself you are worth it: it loosens when you stop avoiding
Telling yourself you are worthy does not change much, because the fear is not in the argument. It is in what you do when it shows up. That is where we work: on actually making a move, at your pace and with a safety net.
How we work on fear of rejection in the practice
I work from the contextual therapies, with training in Gestalt and EMDR. This is work you do, not only talk about: what changes the fear is the experience of having exposed yourself and survived the no.
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Seeing where you avoid, and at what cost
Making the map visible: which situations you dodge, what you spare yourself and what you are missing along the way.
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Separating the no from what you tell yourself about the no
Someone not wanting to does not mean what your head says it means. Telling those two apart turns the volume right down.
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Looking at where it was learned
Old rejections, comparisons, things that were said at home or at school. The fear is usually older than the situation you are in now.
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Exposing yourself in steps, for real
Real, gradual approaches, chosen by you, starting with the ones that make you dizzy but not panicked. You practise, you review and you raise the bar.
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Taking a no without being sunk by it
There will be noes, and that is not the process failing: that is the process. We work on what you do with them so they do not send you back to the start.
Psychologist and sex therapistReg. no. 31755 · Col·legi Oficial de Psicologia de Catalunya
I am David Puig, psychologist and sex therapist
I am a psychologist registered with the Col·legi Oficial de Psicologia de Catalunya under number 31755, and a sex therapist. My practice is in La Roca del Vallès, where I work with individuals and couples from the Vallès Oriental, and I also see people online.
When someone arrives with fear of rejection I do not hand out pep talks or techniques for being more likeable. My job is that you can make a move again without it costing you your health, and that a no stops being a verdict on who you are.
My own path has connected me with deep emotional situations such as dependency and grief, and that lets me accompany you with genuine empathy. I work with clear goals from the start, and discharge comes when they are met. More about individual therapy
Where can you find me?
Fear of rejection is worked on in individual sessions, at the practice or by video call. You do not need to have anyone in mind, and you do not need to be able to explain where it comes from.
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At the practice, in La Roca del Vallès
Carrer Joan Miró, 2, 2n 4a · 08430 La Roca del Vallès (Barcelona), near Granollers.
Book an appointment -
Online, by video call
From home, with no travelling and the same support as in the practice.
How the process works
Get directions
How we start
- The introductory call
- 30 minutes, free and with no commitment. You tell me what brings you here, I explain how I work and you decide whether to start.
- The first session
- We get to know each other calmly, you tell me your story and we agree what you want to work on. It lasts 60 minutes.
- What does not happen
- Nobody will judge you, you do not have to say anything you would rather not, and you do not have to decide in the first session whether to continue.
Frequently asked questions about fear of rejection
Is fear of rejection the same as shyness?
They are not the same. Shyness is a way of being and can sit perfectly well alongside a social life. Fear of rejection is what makes you avoid, and avoiding is what keeps it alive.
Is this social anxiety?
Sometimes they go together and sometimes they do not. On the introductory call we look at it: if what is there fits something else better, I tell you and, if need be, I refer you on. I would rather do that than start a process that is not yours.
It only happens to me with dating, not at work. Does that count?
It counts. In fact it is the most common pattern: the fear shows up exactly where it would matter most to be wanted.
Are you going to send me off to talk to strangers?
Not without having prepared it and not without you choosing it. Exposure is done in agreed steps, starting where it is possible, not where it is most frightening.
What if the real problem is that I do not like myself?
That is another thread and we work on it too: how you see yourself inside changes how you approach people outside. I explain it under self-esteem and relationships.
How much is each session?
The individual session is €70 and lasts 60 minutes. They are all listed under fees, and the first introductory call is free.
This content is for information only and does not replace a professional assessment or a course of therapy. If you are thinking of harming yourself, call 024: it is free, confidential and open 24 hours. If you are experiencing gender-based violence, 016 is free and does not appear on your phone bill. In an emergency, call 112.
What people who have already come say on Google
What if you sent the next message?
Book the free introductory call or message me on WhatsApp. No commitment, and with time to tell me what is going on for you.
Or call me on 615 40 12 39
